Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
