Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
