He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
