I cut my penus on the lid.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
