While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
