she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
