Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
