we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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