Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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