Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
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First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
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Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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