I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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