i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
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They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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