you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
