I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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