I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
