I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
As shirtless as possible
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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