Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
