I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
