Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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