i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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