YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
