I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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