She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish you could order shots online.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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