mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
