4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
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Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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