I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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