I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He felt like a one man threesome
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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