You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
