she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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