Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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