How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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