Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
