Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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