I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
