i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
