Tell her she can't have a vagina
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
