Jerry, you need to find god
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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