if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My life is pants optional.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
