And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
