Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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