My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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