OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
