im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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