if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
