remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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