this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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