Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
