Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
