Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
