Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
