There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
