gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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