I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
