guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My vagina just recognized that song.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize