I just pynch a tree in the face
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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